3. Don’t point fingers
While it’s important to discuss ways to improve, steer clear of phrases that push the blame to your partner. Try not to use “you” phrases like “you’re always tired” or “you never want to experiment,” suggests Marter.
“That’s blaming,” she says. “It’s not problem-solving and it’s not proactive.” Instead, focus on what you would love to see more of while emphasizing your partner’s strengths, she says. Try: “I really love you, and these are the desires I’d love to explore with you.”
4. Set aside time to talk every day
When you have a household and a family to take care of, conversations tend to focus on to-do lists, the family calendar, and work—often while simultaneously scrolling through your phone. “We’re not really taking thoughtful time to mindfully connect with our partners in a way that’s really present and grounded,” says Marter.
“When you’re dating, you spend time getting to know one another. In longer-term partnerships, we forget how important that is.” She recommends carving out at least 20 minutes every day to just talk—no phones, no laptops, and no discussions of bills or household tasks. As you start opening up to each other again, you’ll build your emotional connection back up.
5. Hit the gym together
“I love working out together because it achieves several goals all in one,” says Marter. If stress is killing your libido and resulting in a near sexless marriage, exercise is a natural anxiety buster that can help you get back in the mood. Plus, bringing your partner along makes it a bonding experience while you work toward a shared goal, adds Marter.
And the icing on the cake? Watching each other power through a sweat session will likely boost your own body confidence, and help you see each other in a new (sexy, sweaty) light, she says.Please Scroll Below for NEXT Page to continue